Just as you’ll have to work through the 12 Steps of AA (or another recovery program) at your own pace, the time for making amends will depend on your circumstances and when you feel ready. On the other hand, making amends with someone is more than just Sober living house words. When you make amends, you verbally recognize that your previous behavior was wrong and you take action to make things right, if possible.

Direct Amends in Recovery

Of course, if you can make direct amends you should do so; this is why having a sponsor or advisor to help give you direction is so important. If you aren’t able to make direct amends, then you can volunteer your time or help someone else out. Making amends is more than just an apology, it’s changing your life around and changing your ways; eliminating the destructive behaviors that were once part of your life. When you make amends, you acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions that have hurt others.

What Does Living Amends Mean?

In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning. Whether you choose to give back by sponsoring others in recovery or volunteering at your local food pantry, donating your time to any worthy cause that resonates with you is a great way to transform your life. For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word. You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do. Being helpful toward others can mean lending a hand to friends and family who need help moving, checking in on elderly parents, or offering to babysit their nieces and nephews for a parent’s night out.

• It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends.
• You might consider writing a letter, which may help you organize your thoughts and communicate more clearly.
• It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out.
• Keep up with what Living Amends is doing in the community.

Enroll in Our Sober Living at Harmony Haus

• Understandably, some people may just need more time to learn how to trust you again.
• Working through Step 9 allows you to move forward, regardless of how others respond.
• One of the most important things to remember is that not everyone will be accepting of attempts to make amends.
• An apology consists of words but it doesn’t always include a change in behavior.
• So, to truly make amends, we have to offer more than words.

Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. Individuals living with addiction often push their loved ones away, which can cause significant living amends meaning harm to their relationships. Healing and building a healthy support system is a critical part of the recovery process. To repair relationships, people often need to make a living amends.

• Some might be too tested by prior behaviors and actions that they simply need space.
• As a part of my recovery process, I have reflected on my behavior and realized that I have hurt you in the past though my___________.
• This challenging exercise can help you build your character, provided you do not expect anything back from others.

Genuinely express remorse.Just saying “I was wrong” is not enough. One must also show sorrow over what one did, how one hurt the other person and the pain it caused them. The offender must convey genuine feelings of remorse to successfully make amends. In a Psychology Today article, Winch also explained that guilt and shame play a large part in the struggle to apologize. An apology allows an individual to hear what another person feels, determines what action or behavior is or isn’t appropriate, and provides an opportunity for the hurt person to heal.

When you made your inventory, you created a list of people who you needed to forgive. As Celebrate Recovery loves to use acrostics, in lesson 16, we use the acrostic for AMENDS, which will help you get started in mending your relationships. It takes courage to not only admit a wrongful behavior or action, but also face the fact that someone else suffered consequences as a result. Making amends is challenging, but the outcome can be one of the most rewarding parts of recovery. Recognize and acknowledge your behaviors that caused harm to someone else.

My living amends to my mother is to be fully present in my life so I can be fully present in hers. Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends. Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can. Sometimes other people need more time to accept an apology. When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk.

What’s the Difference between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?

So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Apologizing in this way may open the door to continued healing, growth, and restored relationships in recovery. Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises. Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness, and also, don’t pressure yourself to fix every broken relationship immediately.